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People

I met this guy at the Bus stop and we've developed a sort of friendship. Been hanging out quite a lot lately. It's quite funny when you think about it. The fact that we started talking when I made a joke about stealing his bag... (he left his bag behind when he got up and checked the timetable). 3 days later I saw him on the bus again, reading a book. We got off at the same stop so we walked together for a bit and chatted about literature. (He studies English lit at uni). Didn't see him for a week. I ran into him at Kmart but I was in a hurry so we quickly exchanged numbers after a brief chat about starsigns :p I then found him on facebook. We met up for lunch cause I needed some advise about something. This friendship developed so quickly and smoothly! Great times He actually came with me to see me off at the Airport on my way to Townsville!

It's interesting how these things happen. The way that people meet and connect, the fact that I could have chosen to stay quiet... to walk past.. like we usually do. But sometimes you see somebody walk down the street and you think "I'd really like to meet that person and to hear their story".

The same happened when I returned from the Hospital the other day and was just walking down the street. When the elderly man started talking to me I could have made short conversation, maybe smiled briefly and then walked on. Instead I consciously decided to take a risk and we ended up talking about the World for nearly an hour!
I haven't seen this one since but he was so incredibly interesting. I'm beginning to appreciate the fact that people are available to you if only you make yourself more receptive and approachable to these things. Small miracles of the day.

There was this pale woman (in her early 20's??- this is at the end of grade 10) who just intrigued me. I seem to be drawn to the quiet, mysterious, melancholic... And when you've been there yourself you notice signs in other people much quicker. So I sat next to her and there was this unspoken understanding until we started communicating verbally and she'd already noticed our similarities, too. We talked about her past and struggles and I actually ran into her twice following from that day. It was nice. She invited me to her birthday but I didn't end up going. I think sometimes a benchmark needs to be set early in a relationship. It seemed an appropriate and comfortable space to keep the experience of her at. So I didn't follow up. And still think that was the right choice.

Another one was the young man at the bus stop, relaxed, with his hat worn backwards and a tattoed arm. We struck up a conversation when he noticed my ring and expressed his surprise. "Aren't you too young to be married??". Chatted for a while - he's new in town and doesn't know anyone so we exchanged numbers. Maybe we can catch up some time later in life. (I have pure intentions when I give my number out.. must sound odd though. Especially cause I just realized that most of my experiences are with men... why is that?)

In fact, the ring's helped a lot with initiating a conversation with strangers. A few people have randomly asked me.

Oh and I just remembered the incident on the Air plane. I was sitting next to a mature aged woman (finally) and I started asking her questions about her marriage, how she knew that he was the right person, how she fell in love, what she does with her life.

One of my favourites though was the Busker. One night I walked down the half deserted streets of a sleepy Toowoomba, lit up by the occasional club. There was this guy sitting on the pavement with a hat in front of him. He was singing and playing his guitar so I spontaneously decided to sit next to him (He didn't protest so I took it as a permission :p) and started harmonizing and singing with. It was sooo much fun! Two of my friends actually walked by and recognized me so by the end the four of us were all jamming together. Until it got too late and I had to keep on going. But it was great.

I love getting people to open up to me. And to talk about "things that matter" straight away. There was a time when I couldn't stand superficiality in conversation although by now I've learnt to appreciate it as another form of getting to know people.
I love Training a relationship and developing it from strangers to acquaintance, to friends, to lovers to friends (although the latter hasn't happened so much) - my standards are too high. LOL

--

Of course there are the odd failures... Like that one 40year old man who was uncomfortably pushy to have coffee with him and then made me take his number when I lied that I had to go catch the bus to Uni. (I chucked it out straight away).

Recently though I've been a bit slack. I've missed two very good opportunities. The guy with the guitar at the bus stop... We briefly talked about the busses. But I was in my own world already so I hesitated too long to continue a conversation. Should have asked him about the guitar. Maybe started a random jam session (they are the best, especially at bus stops).

And the guitarist with the headband in Brisbane who was sitting down whilst playing his guitar, quietly singing to himself. I really, really wanted to go over and chat and whip out my uke or voice or something. Coulda been fun. Music connects, right?
Ah well. I'll get back into shape eventually. Just wait.
12.11.08 01:04


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Recent lack of inspiration

which is particularly strong today. Days like these when you want to go for a long walk somewhere and read or reflect/meditate (pity the weather is horrible). I feel distanced from friends today but there's nothing I could really do about it (I don't think).

I could go and talk to her, but that was my plan yesterday as well and it didn't work out. And as allways I can't call him. So who do I direct this at? Time for some art working. I'll have to be patient and wait to be contacted. At last, that's what it's been like for the most of my years. Giving space. But I want to be so much closer.

I need to go into town and arrange a few things concerning life.


I went to Kris' last night (third night in a row) because I want to spend more time with her. It ended up being one of those 'spending but not really spending time' cause we watched a movie and then basically fell asleep. I had to leave early this morning, too. So, again, we didn't have an opportunity to talk.
I also feel disappointed cause my surprise on sunday didn't work out (it was too foggy outside) although it would have been a fantastic bonding time. I'll have to try that again sometime. I want to be so much closer to her! On a friendship level. with no walls, with complete trust. I want all of her. not just the surface. If that makes sense. But obviously, if someone said that alloud they'd just scare the people around them... So at the moment I have to sit back and take things as they come. I have no idea what will happen (in the future). How this friendship will develope.
So far my strategy is to give her the means of decision. I'll wait until she contacts ME. Although I'm tempted to text again today and ask what she's doing but I shouldn't. I feel a bit distant from her today (well I've only really known her for a few weeks) so I think a bit of space would be healthy. Maybe thursday I should see her again. (it's not Tuesday).
I do want to preserve this feeling for both of us for as long as possible (although I have no idea how she feels).
Freaking vague Virgos who never tell you how they feel about something. My God.

But I love her passion for theatre, her analytical abilities, the fact that she guides people around her and reads/speaks so openly about any subject (other than emotion). She just hints at things.
Apparantly they warm up though. Maybe eventually we'll get somewhere.

xx
18.11.08 05:08


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