Just some nice stories and reflections
I came across the term TCK in January 2007. I’ve been reading on TCKs and doing some research on identity issues. I found myself crying at times reading dissertations which are usually supposed to be ‘dry and boring’ according to my supervisor.
I’ve always known that I struggle with issues of identity and belonging.
But over the last few months I’ve also started to notice that I really struggle with relationships. I struggle to make friends. I struggle to be a part of a community. I struggle feeling integrated. And these issues have started to surface in the past little while as if it was about time for these issues to go.
Three weeks ago I thought I was done with the crying until I signed up for TCKid, and Brice sent me that link to the TCK mini course. I read it, and it hit me really hard. I ended up on the floor bawling my eyes out as the pain and grief left me. And I bawled my eyes out even more when I googled Ruth and found out that she’s a Christian writer. I cried and cried as I realized that God was in on this from the beginning. That he cared. That he does want to help the brokenhearted.
I think some serious repair work was done to my heart that night. The incredible and overwhelming loneliness I had felt prior to that seems to have disappeared. Gone. Poof.
Suddenly my heart is light. Cheerful inside (I’m always cheerful on the outside, it’s my personality, but now it’s on the inside too). 3 weeks ago I was too lonely to want to be with friends or make new ones.
But now that the loneliness is gone, I actually feel positive about working on the friendships that I have to breakdown my distrust and build something strong in its place, and on making new friends too. Weird how that works isn’t it? I thought the natural thing was for us to look for friends when we are lonely, not when we’re doing fine. But it was the opposite for me. Now I feel like I want to chase after my friends’ hearts if they’re not coming after mine. It seems that they also have various fears which cause them to close their heart. (TCKs and non-TCKs alike, we all seem to carry all sorts of wounds that we really shouldn’t be).